Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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