I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
