Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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