Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
how drunk are you?
Several
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize