I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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