I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
