He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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