She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
