ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
