i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
