Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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