i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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