I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
