you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
