Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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