Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
