He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
