Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
