its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
