I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
