we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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