I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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