cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Mom said you looked used
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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