Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
