She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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