I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
