I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
