You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
