Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
