these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
