my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we're so committed to being not committed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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