So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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