i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
