Whod you bang
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
