maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
