the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
