just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
