She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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