It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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