thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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