I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
