Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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