it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
