I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
