Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
