Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
