And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
