i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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