I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sex in a hospital.. check
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
