if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
