Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize