I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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