Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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