i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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