I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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