I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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