Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
