consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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