Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
