she woke up with a sticky ear
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
