I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
