Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
