i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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