Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just gargled with NyQuil
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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