Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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