and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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