While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
