I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
